IPOD May or May Not Increase Cool Quotient and Rhythmic Abilities

The other day I decided that my clunky 1980s Sony Walkman with cassette player and AM/FM radio was seriously dragging down my cool quotient and that I should probably make the leap into the new millennium by purchasing an IPOD.

Always one to be on the trailing edge of what’s hot, hip and happening, I didn’t really know what an IPOD was exactly. Only that it is some sort of personal music Walkman device. And if there is anything that will ratchet down your cool quotient, it’s using the phrase “Walkman device” in the year 2007.

The Apple commercials left me with the impression that as soon as I bought an IPOD I would automatically become cool, as well as be able to dance in public like nobody’s business. And then maybe get cast in a Gap commercial or something. I may have inferred the Gap commercial part. But that possibility was appealing, you know, in case my blogging career doesn’t pan out and the Gap starts looking for uncool and out of shape 47-year-old women to dance in their ads.

When I got to the electronics store, I put Sean in the cart and we went up and down the aisles looking for the IPODs. To me, everything in an electronics store looks the same -- rows and rows of silver boxes and black carrying cases for the sliver boxes and then cables to plug into the silver boxes.

After wandering the store for forty years, a sales boy took pity on me and led me into the land of IPOD where he began techno-evangelizing from the book of Apple. I was impressed because I didn’t know that 13-year-olds could even get jobs! And God bless his geeky little heart. My skinny, pimply, ill-clad, shampoo-challenged sales child, he was as smart and as sweet and as earnest as he could be. But we were not speaking the same language.

I drifted in and out of consciousness while Sales Child painstakingly and thoroughly explained everything. Everything. Anyone. Including Steve Jobs. Ever. Wanted to know about IPODs. But was afraid to ask. I pretended to listen and tried not to yawn overtly. As I stood there watching him talk about gigs and megs and cylinders, I looked at Sean sitting in the cart and then I looked back at Sales Child. And then I realized that he probably wasn’t born a pimply geeky little Sales Child. No, he was probably a cute little boy at one time too. His mother probably still thinks he’s a cute little boy. And then it occurred to me that his mother is probably ten years younger than me. And has a tattoo. And she is probably on her second or third IPOD. And then that line of thinking became unpleasant so I went to my happy place until his lips stopped moving.

Then finally! He stopped talking! Amen already! And like a good car salesman, he got around to the most important question of the day -- what color would the little lady like?

Maybe you’ve figured out by now that there is no real point to this post other than to report that I am the proud owner of a lime green IPOD. And I love it. Still waiting for my cool to kick in. In the meantime I’m practicing for my Gap audition. Just in case.

Comments

[Terri]

I'm repenting......I have a Sony Walkman, too. Sounds like I need to take my 40 year trek to look for a new IPOD......then have my kids show their tech-challenged mother how to use it. Love your humor!

[Susan J.]

Mark got me a hot pink Ipod for my birthday. Now I am hooked. I love the thing. You can even put pictures on it. So, does this make me cool? Probably not.

[LVMommy22]

from one antique mommy to another: thank you for making me laugh so hard i nearly peed my pants. i know. that's not cool, but hey, i'm an uncool, out-of-shape, antique mommy too. at least you own a cool lime green ipod. and there's no way on this green earth that gap is ever going to even let me audition for them! lol! i guess i'd better get an ipod, too ...
:) M

[Polly]

I still have my very first Walkman from 9th grade. Circa 1982. I just can't let the thing go. I actually does work.
But I do use my Nomad Zen. I know how to open a playlist. I do not know how to make a playslist. My Antique Daddy has to do that for me.
It's an IPod, I guess. I wanted one of those little bity postage stamp IPod things. But no! My husband, Mr. BiggerBetterFaster had to get the mega gigga something or other. I hardly know how to work the thing. But when I do happen to get it to work, I feel OH. SO. COOL.
Are you up for a partner in that Gap ad?

[June Cleaver Diaries]

You will love the iPod! I got mine from my husband for Christmas, after we firmly agreed that there would be no gifts to each other. And to think that I was feeling guilty for breaking the deal by getting him some chocolate for his stocking....

[Donna W.]

I just can't deal with the ear buds; must be a flaw in the way my ears are made, but those little suckers won't stay in!

[Blog Antagonist]

I got one last Mother's Day and I am still waiting for the cool to kick in. But I absolutely love it and you will too. I even downloaded a couple videos. It still amazes me that all that information can be stored on such a teensy little thing.

[Jeana]

So have you figured out how to put some songs on that there gadget? I'm clueless; Scott or the kids have to do it. Not that I own an MP3 player...I surpass the MP3 coolness and am even more cool by rolling my eyes and making fun of it and then borrowing it when they're not watching.

[maggie]

I'm so not cool, but the iPod was my all time favorite gift from my husband - he woke me up at like 2 in the morning on Valentine's day because he was so excited he couldn't wait until later. I love love love my pod. You'll love yours!

[Stine]

Walkman? I put my antique stereo in a pram... A bit restricted by the length of the cord, but I'm chained to the kitchen sink anyway...lol

[That Girl]

But how do you get the music ON the iPod?

[Mary]

I'm afraid..........my children are 17 and 14. Who is going to do all things computer and electronic when they leave for college????? My ipod has "pathetic" music on it as my 14yo puts it. But I love it!!

[Antique Mommy]

My music genre is pathetic-eclectic: Carpenters, Moody Blues, Clapton, Jackson 5 (the early stuff), Dirty Dancing, Swing Out Sister, Etta James, No Doubt, Green Day, Pink, Phil Collins, Isreal K-something (the Hawaiaan guy), Aretha, Al Jarreau, Pink, Fleetwood Mac... Now you know. More than you wanted probably.

[Susan]

The instant you purchased that Ipod, an alarm went off in Steve Jobs office reminding him to deploy the next round of upgrades in anticipation of release of a newer cooler machine. Planned obsolescence, you can never catch up to the cool.

[Babystepper]

My husband upstaged (or forestalled, maybe) my attempts at coolness by buying an mp3 player of another brand before I even knew I wanted and needed an IPOD speficially. Now, I fear, I never will be quite as cool as I could've been. Oh well, I don't dress well enough for those GAP ads anyway.

[Peanut Butter's Mum]

You know, it's funny; I was just thinking yesterday about the fact that I must be getting old because I hear all about these ipods etc and don't have a clue about them, really... I think you may have inspired me to venture out into the 2007 world of techy schtuff... Possibly...

One more thing?! Lime green rocks!! Tres cool!!

[Shalee]

Two years ago, Mr. Right got me a, Ipod shuffle for my birthday. Had I shown an ounce of interest of having one? No. Have I learned how to put music on it? No. Do I even know where the think is? Yes, but only because I've been cleaning up the house and saw where it had been laying, covered in dust.

At least you made the choice to be cool. I had it forced on me and it doesn't fit so well - like my summer shorts.

Welcome to the world of gadgets. Maybe you can explain them to me some time. And while you're at it, you can give me the low down on Gameboys too. I don't get them either...

[Kim]

I don't have an Ipod - but I do have an MP3 player - so I am not quite as cool as you are.

We buying my 73 yr old Mother Inlaw an MP3 player for her next birthday next month. Never too old to start being cool!

She saw mine and fell in love with the lil arm band thingy (goes around your upper arm so you don't need pockets AND helps to lessen the batwing jiggling! LOL).

[nicole]

I'm getting a pink one this weekend! I can't wait. It is my reward for six months of consistent exercise and my motivation to keep it up. I know very little about them, but am sure I can rely on the kids at church to help me out, or something like that.

[wordgirl]

If I got an iPod, I would have to ask my sons to show me how to operate it. That's how lame I am.

[Robbin]

I married a younger man, so I was introduced to the iPOD revolution quite early in the game (after THREE other MP3 players, all gifts from my husband - can you tell he's not a flowers kinda guy?).

I never knew that it was possible to develop such an unnatural attachment to an electronic device. Sure, I loved it when it played music, but then I discovered Audible.com and realized I could download audiobooks.

And it was the start of a inseparable relationship...

[Deanna]

Good for you! You made a big step! I haven't jumped yet, but got one for my daughter for Christmas. While visiting her one weekend I decided to play with it, a little research. It was hard to tell the 'quality' of the sound since she listens to so much cr@p! So I canned that idea. Couldn't figure out how to turn it off. Oops! I let her know that as we were leaving.....

[MoneyDummy]

You are going to LOOOOVE your IPod. You're going to take it everywhere with you and it'll be a source of constant distraction, entertainment, amusement and, yes, coolness.

I use mine for three things:
Music (with thousands of songs on there, you can pick a mood, any mood, and have it instantly).
Audiobooks (imagine being able to listen to a Mary Higgins Clark book while doing dishes)
Podcasts (I download and listen to the Dave Ramsey and Flylady Podcasts religiously).

[Kara]

LOL at the little Sales Geek! I'm still giggling. I'd LOVE an Ipod, but can't bring myself to spend the money yet. Maybe one day I can be cool too lol. Sadly, my 50-yr old mom has one, my Dad has one, my little sister has one. But I still don't have one. My mom is cooler than me, that is depressing :P

[pokettiger]

Your writing ROCKS! And now that you have your fancy lime green iPod you'll be rocking in other ways too.